Rapist Wants to Fight

Tattooed, child-voiced nut-job Mike Tyson has hinted at a possible return to boxing, despite being past the age where standing in the ring and letting a younger, fitter man punch you in the face repeatedly should seem like a good idea to anyone. He's 43, and the last time he fought was against Zach Galifianakis, which was in a movie. Reunited with his cartoon haired former promoter Don King, Tyson said

"If this guy is going to pay for my training – my training team costs a lot of money – anything is possible."

Which I'm sure sounded hilarious in Tyson's my-boyish-tone-doesn't-match-my-monstrous-body voice.

King followed up with this redundancy riddled sentence

"We gonna do what has to be done ... so, whatever we have to do, we'll do"

Considering Tyson earned about $300 million in his prime, most of which was overseen by King, and still ended up filing for bankruptsy, I can see this ending well. Probably in another rape or mid-fight disfiguring attack.