BONG! Hello
BONG! This seemed like a better idea before the title became an unreadable mess
BONG! So Eh, news? See if you can guess how I've spent my Sunday evening from the tone of these 'news' items..
BONG! Blathnaid Ni Chofaigh is an unlikeable bitch. Having sat through half an hour of RTE's God awful All Ireland Talent Show, I can safely say she may be the most unlikeable person on television. And I include Glen Beck, Martin King and RyanTubridy in that. She manages to combine her disgusting red hair and overweight-for-telly figure with a deliberately patronising tone; she is the living embodiment of the stereotype of Irish Mammy Syndrome. I'm not sure how old she is, but she acts like she's about a hundred. Like those bitches on that thing on TV3 on weekday mornings, Sybil Mulcahy et al. You know what I'm talking about, right? Drifting slightly now... focus.... oh yeah; she's also unbelievably cold - there was one scene at the start where she got caught halfway between trying to be Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole; first she nearly made an elderly man cry, then she got up to console him - the many sides of Blathnaid; she's the Nazi guard who would spoon his rape victims after. She's also shit telly. Which brings me to...
BONG! The All Ireland Talent show is unwatchable dirge. Thats right, its God awful. Its full of the kind of faux tribalism that the GAA tries to convince people exists, but which not only doesn't exist in modern Ireland, it never did, except in some remote regions of west Cork. Its got that prick off the as Gaeilge weather, the aforementioned Blathnaid, and that gobshite with the glasses ( I wanna say Cormac Battle? He's some radio arsehole anyway). The acts are bad - 6 year olds from leixlip singing Journey, and large groups of overweight teenage girls dancing around; thats pretty much it. But, that said, I don't have a problem with the lack of talent ; its the fake rivalry, the pretence at competition between the Judges; X-Factor does the same, but they're at least half believable, because at least there's money at the end. This has the potential for the winner to perform at the National Ploughing Championships, or Puck Fair, or some other Godforsaken event from 'the regions' that reminds everyone what a backward little shithole we live in. And finally....
BONG! Continuing the theme of critiqing tonight's shows on RTE, Val Falvey, TD was horrifically bad. A sitcom with literally no laughs. At least Killinascully would let you know where you were supposed to laugh, here, no such clues. Theres not even a hint of a joke. We are supposed to knowingly chuckle at the Charlie Haughey references, cheer with nostalgia when Linda Martin enters the fray; shake our heads disapprovingly at the predictably snotty kids and cold bitchy wife (she has a hangover, you know), who funnily enough have south Dublin accents ( how unusual, people from south dublin being portrayed as dull callous arseholes on an RTE show clearly aimed at a rural audience of potatoe peeling bog trotters).
The worst thing about this is that Arthur Matthews wrote it. Well, actually, the worst thing is Ardal O'Hanlon's inept, wooden and utterly humourless performance. But the fact that Matthews is behind this is hurtful. Obviously Linehan was the talent. That baldy prick Matthews couldn't write his way out a paper bag. Apparently.
ITS OVER
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that was a long one. THATS WHAT SHE SAID!
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