Living in The Future Must be Awesome.

Everyone knows that the Japanese live in the future, and that's why they seem so strange, but brillaint.

Over in Japan, department store Sogo & Seibu organized a special New Year's event,a sale to show off the creations of a company called Kokoro.

What this company makes is robots. Accurate robot duplicates of the buyer, to be exact.

Fucking robots! They sell them, in department stores! They have robot clones of you. On special offer!

In Japan, everyone must be like Superman. They all have these robot duplicates of themselves, to protect their homes and confuse their enemies.

Icy Weather Reveals Disturbing Lack of Similes to Describe Icy Weather

The recent cold snap has uncovered a shocking lack of similes with which to accurately describe the recent cold snap. Beyond 'the roads are like glass' and 'its like an ice rink', we seem to run out, and resort to phrases like 'yes, it is very cold. Very cold.' This is an unusual phenomenon, considering we are a nation that has about 800 expression for being/getting drunk, approximately 300 ways to describe rain/English oppression, and has evolved it's communication methods to a point where a simple upward head nod can either order a pint or instigate sexual intercourse (depending on the context of course).

Bill Bailey Presents Show on Sky 1, instantly becomes unfunny and unlikable

total prick

One of the most loved comedians in the UK and Ireland, Bill Bailey, became an unfunny, unlikable dick today, when I saw an ad for a programme he is presenting on Sky 1. Bailey, once a brilliantly funny comedian, and a genuinely nice guy, was instantaneously transformed into an obnoxious self obsessed moron. The programme, focusing on the wacky world of bird watching, is yet another in a long list of celebrity fronted specials on Sky, that focus on the lighter side of some pastimes that are seen as quintessentially British. Usually presented by Justin Lee Collins, with his characteristic faux enthusiasm and inane banter, Sky's producers have obviously decided that this type of programme sometimes requires a more 'alternative' voice - placing someone as quirky and idiosyncratic as Bailey into the staid world of British birdwatching is obviously a recipe for hilarity. In their eyes. In mine, its a recipe for me hating Bill Bailey, but then, you say potato, I say potato, but pronounce it differently.

Jack Nicholson Offended by Smart-Ass, Flanked by Junkies

Some guy thought it'd be funny to piss Jack Nicholson off by asking him to sign a picture of Heath Ledger's Joker.

He thought it was funny till he saw the murderous look in Nicholson's, who he described as "angry", eyes. Later, when he got home and studied the picture more carefully, he realised how lucky he was not to "get a neck full of heroin from Nicholson's junky minders".

Merry Christmas, Banana Wars Over

Maybe because I wanted to show this picture, or maybe because I find it funny to slightly edit John Lennon song titles or maybe something else altogether, or all of the above plus more, but for some reason today the Happy Slap is celebrating the end of the Banana Wars. I know no-one cares, except fair-trade farmers but i don't care for them, whats fair about paying €5 for a cup of coffee. Personally I always feel a little cheated, but I can't help myself it's just too good.

Frogs Mourn Reptile

The French are, apparently, in mourning as one of their oldest, coldest and slowest womanisers died last week.

"Not Depardieu!" I hear you cry. Well, rest easy, or slam your fist on the table and say 'damn' under your breath, whichever suits your opinion of the massive-nosed one, because it's actually a tortoise they mourn.

Kiki, the 147 year old tortoise from Ménagerie du Jardin des Plantes in Paris died last week from an infection. The staff of the zoo paid tribute to him and his "demonstrative lovemaking", that the public loved, which is fucking typical of them. And now they're sad because they won't be able to hear his fucking "from the other end of the zoo" anymore.

Well fuck it, it's a fucking tortoise. I'm surprised the Frenchies aren't looking at his 250kg corpse and figuring out which bits they're gonna eat, because those fuckers will usually eat anything.

Lady Gaga, Everywhere! All The Time!

Lady Gaga is teetering on the brink of being the smelliest, burningest bag of dog shit on the door step of pop music at the moment, and soon her oh-so-attention grabbing pungeance will be wafting across a whole new (unfortunately) visual medium; the comic book.

The book is to be drawn by 'pop culture artist' Brian Einersen, famed for sticking crude faces to things to make models that vaguely look like people.

This seems like a good choice, since the guy seems to have such a poor understanding of the composition of the human face that he might draw her so badly she ends up looking good.

We can only hope.