Frogs Mourn Reptile

The French are, apparently, in mourning as one of their oldest, coldest and slowest womanisers died last week.

"Not Depardieu!" I hear you cry. Well, rest easy, or slam your fist on the table and say 'damn' under your breath, whichever suits your opinion of the massive-nosed one, because it's actually a tortoise they mourn.

Kiki, the 147 year old tortoise from Ménagerie du Jardin des Plantes in Paris died last week from an infection. The staff of the zoo paid tribute to him and his "demonstrative lovemaking", that the public loved, which is fucking typical of them. And now they're sad because they won't be able to hear his fucking "from the other end of the zoo" anymore.

Well fuck it, it's a fucking tortoise. I'm surprised the Frenchies aren't looking at his 250kg corpse and figuring out which bits they're gonna eat, because those fuckers will usually eat anything.