Icy Weather Reveals Disturbing Lack of Similes to Describe Icy Weather

The recent cold snap has uncovered a shocking lack of similes with which to accurately describe the recent cold snap. Beyond 'the roads are like glass' and 'its like an ice rink', we seem to run out, and resort to phrases like 'yes, it is very cold. Very cold.' This is an unusual phenomenon, considering we are a nation that has about 800 expression for being/getting drunk, approximately 300 ways to describe rain/English oppression, and has evolved it's communication methods to a point where a simple upward head nod can either order a pint or instigate sexual intercourse (depending on the context of course).