Hugo Chavez Might be Insane

As far as the Americans are concerned, Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez has a history of saying and doing less-than-wonderful things, and he seems pretty happy with this reputation, because he's been saying more, this time in relation to the Haiti quake.

Chavez apparently thinks that Lex Luthor still runs the Oval Office, because he has accused America of causing the earthquake in Haiti, by testing some sort of "tectonic weapon", and that the US was using aid efforts as an excuse to mount an armed occupation of Haiti "under the guise of the natural disaster."

Chavez couldn't back these claims up with any facts or evidence or whatnot, but President Luthor is a clever man, and has clearly covered his tracks well.

Pay Attention, Supervillains!

Any budding supervillains out there should pay attention to the activities of John Hunter, because you could learn a lot from him.

Mr. Hunter works for a company called Quicklaunch, and has designed a cannon to shoot things into space at 13,000 miles per hour. The cannon is 1100 metres long, and it floats, so that it can be repositioned and re-aimed.

All they need is $500 million to build it.

Don't be fooled by the claims that this is to be used to send supplies to the International Space Station in a far more cost effective way. No, don't you see? He's going to use his Space Cannon to hold the cosmos itself to ransom!

Living in The Future Must be Awesome.

Everyone knows that the Japanese live in the future, and that's why they seem so strange, but brillaint.

Over in Japan, department store Sogo & Seibu organized a special New Year's event,a sale to show off the creations of a company called Kokoro.

What this company makes is robots. Accurate robot duplicates of the buyer, to be exact.

Fucking robots! They sell them, in department stores! They have robot clones of you. On special offer!

In Japan, everyone must be like Superman. They all have these robot duplicates of themselves, to protect their homes and confuse their enemies.

Icy Weather Reveals Disturbing Lack of Similes to Describe Icy Weather

The recent cold snap has uncovered a shocking lack of similes with which to accurately describe the recent cold snap. Beyond 'the roads are like glass' and 'its like an ice rink', we seem to run out, and resort to phrases like 'yes, it is very cold. Very cold.' This is an unusual phenomenon, considering we are a nation that has about 800 expression for being/getting drunk, approximately 300 ways to describe rain/English oppression, and has evolved it's communication methods to a point where a simple upward head nod can either order a pint or instigate sexual intercourse (depending on the context of course).

Bill Bailey Presents Show on Sky 1, instantly becomes unfunny and unlikable

total prick

One of the most loved comedians in the UK and Ireland, Bill Bailey, became an unfunny, unlikable dick today, when I saw an ad for a programme he is presenting on Sky 1. Bailey, once a brilliantly funny comedian, and a genuinely nice guy, was instantaneously transformed into an obnoxious self obsessed moron. The programme, focusing on the wacky world of bird watching, is yet another in a long list of celebrity fronted specials on Sky, that focus on the lighter side of some pastimes that are seen as quintessentially British. Usually presented by Justin Lee Collins, with his characteristic faux enthusiasm and inane banter, Sky's producers have obviously decided that this type of programme sometimes requires a more 'alternative' voice - placing someone as quirky and idiosyncratic as Bailey into the staid world of British birdwatching is obviously a recipe for hilarity. In their eyes. In mine, its a recipe for me hating Bill Bailey, but then, you say potato, I say potato, but pronounce it differently.

Jack Nicholson Offended by Smart-Ass, Flanked by Junkies

Some guy thought it'd be funny to piss Jack Nicholson off by asking him to sign a picture of Heath Ledger's Joker.

He thought it was funny till he saw the murderous look in Nicholson's, who he described as "angry", eyes. Later, when he got home and studied the picture more carefully, he realised how lucky he was not to "get a neck full of heroin from Nicholson's junky minders".