Merry Christmas, Banana Wars Over

Maybe because I wanted to show this picture, or maybe because I find it funny to slightly edit John Lennon song titles or maybe something else altogether, or all of the above plus more, but for some reason today the Happy Slap is celebrating the end of the Banana Wars. I know no-one cares, except fair-trade farmers but i don't care for them, whats fair about paying €5 for a cup of coffee. Personally I always feel a little cheated, but I can't help myself it's just too good.

Frogs Mourn Reptile

The French are, apparently, in mourning as one of their oldest, coldest and slowest womanisers died last week.

"Not Depardieu!" I hear you cry. Well, rest easy, or slam your fist on the table and say 'damn' under your breath, whichever suits your opinion of the massive-nosed one, because it's actually a tortoise they mourn.

Kiki, the 147 year old tortoise from Ménagerie du Jardin des Plantes in Paris died last week from an infection. The staff of the zoo paid tribute to him and his "demonstrative lovemaking", that the public loved, which is fucking typical of them. And now they're sad because they won't be able to hear his fucking "from the other end of the zoo" anymore.

Well fuck it, it's a fucking tortoise. I'm surprised the Frenchies aren't looking at his 250kg corpse and figuring out which bits they're gonna eat, because those fuckers will usually eat anything.

Lady Gaga, Everywhere! All The Time!

Lady Gaga is teetering on the brink of being the smelliest, burningest bag of dog shit on the door step of pop music at the moment, and soon her oh-so-attention grabbing pungeance will be wafting across a whole new (unfortunately) visual medium; the comic book.

The book is to be drawn by 'pop culture artist' Brian Einersen, famed for sticking crude faces to things to make models that vaguely look like people.

This seems like a good choice, since the guy seems to have such a poor understanding of the composition of the human face that he might draw her so badly she ends up looking good.

We can only hope.