Coming to a theatre near you... and shameful hit generating phrases!!

When you're kids say they're listening to T-Pain, they mean this man, a flamboyant pimp from Tallahassee, FL.

You've gotta hand it to Antares Audio Technologies. In case you didn't know (I sure as dick didn't until five minutes ago), they're the guys who invented Auto-Tune. Thats the thing that people like T-Pain, will.i.am and Cher use to make themselves sound like emotional robots from the glitchy future. But its also what pretty much every other popular music vocalist uses to make sure they sing in tune, live and on record. As opposed to mad concepts like singing lessons or practice.

Glee: Women embrace each other in glorious high definition

And its also something you're very likely to have encountered for a solid hour if you've ever seen Glee. There are more computer generated voices in that show than an episode of Transformers guest starring Stephen Hawking.
So thats almost all popular music, and the most popular TV show in the western world, sewn up for these guys. All that's left is "Auto-Tune: The Movie". They're genius. Pretty soon, people will become so used to the hollow, soul-less - but technically flawless - voices from Glee that even the sound of your loved one's voice in casual conversation, what with all its hideous idiosyncracies and imperfections, will grate on the folds of your brain, like nails scraping on blackboard, or an elastic band snapping inside your scrotum.
And those bastards at Antares are behind it all.

Shark Thoroughly Jumped

Well, it happens to everyone eventually, and to be honest, it had looked like it was coming for a while now, but 30 Rock has now conclusively, epically jumped the proverbial shark. What started out as a smart, well observed and painfully funny show about the writing of a mediocre sketch show now resembles a bad Saturday Night Live parody of a smart, well observed and painfully funny show about the writing of a mediocre sketch show. Oh how times have changed.
You may dispute this, but allow me to offer a synopsis of the shark-defying episode. Entitled "Argus", after the peacock bequeathed to Jack Donaghy by his dead mentor Don Geiss, the episode centres on three stories - Jenna's burgeoning relationship with a man who impersonates her for a living, Gris's turmoil over choosing a best man between Dot-Com and Tracey, and Jack's relationship with mentor Geiss - who's soul, in case I haven't made myself clear, Jack believes has migrated into the body of Argus. The peacock. This is Jack - the powerfull, seemingly all knowing corporate/republican stereotype, a character who's entire comic appeal stems from his own infallibility and sense of importance. Reduced to a ridiculous stooge, serving whiskey to peacock and calling him'Sir'. Crying like a baby when the peacock puts its wing on his knee, like a comforting father. No wonder Alec Baldwin is talking about getting out. Of course, there are all the surreal moments thrown in that you could expect, but its all so forced - Argus marks Liz as his mate (we get it - she's going to die alone) and Kenneth has some strange knowledge of 'peafowl',obviously from his previous existence as a simple hill person. Tina Fey's Liz has become a decidedly unlikable bitch. They seem to have run out of things to do with the other characters. Tracey is a child, Jenna is a narcissist - we get it. We get it all. We got it the first time, and loved it. Now shut up and fuck off, and don't make us watch a slow and horrible death, like the fucking Simpsons did.
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...good odds on Tragedy (with a capital 't')

2-1 Heart Attack
5-2 Suicide
12-5 Cocaine Overdose
7-1 Accidental Strangulation while masturbating (à la David Carradine)


THAT IS ALL

We're BACK! BAM!

Many apologies to our loyal readers (we're up to 16!!!), for our shocking, and inexcusable absence from you're interweb, but we're back now, so shut the fuck up, you douche.

It's not just me - Avatar isn't that good.

Well The BAFTAs are over and even better is that Avatar only won best Production Design and Best Visual Effects. Apparently the British Academy aren't stupid and realise that just because something is pretty and technologically cutting edge, (and is in essence a white mans guilt fantasy) doesn't make up for a lack of dialogue, originality, acting ability or any semblance of a script. I don't really care for all the award shows stuff all that much but all Avatars nominations annoyed me. It's so over-rated and just so disappointing. The New York Times claims it cost $500m to make and it appears that none of that budget went into the writing. I have no problem with Avatar winning technical awards but if it wins Best Picture in the Oscars I will lose faith in the Hollywood elite forever. Oh wait.. never mind.

Russian Man Jailed for Trying to Make People Happy

As this picture fails to adequately illustrate, last month Moscow came to a standstill when someone hacked the control computer for a 30ft by 20ft screen in the centre of the city, and made it show some hardcore, inter-racial porn.

Clearly this kind hearted soul was simply distressed by the ever-growing levels of racism in his beloved country and wanted to show his countrymen that there need not be hatred between people of different ethnicities, but instead there can be peace, love, and even lust.

The Russian authorities don't see it this way though, and have arrested a 40 year old man who has pleaded guilty to the act.

Come on, Russia, have a heart, the only thing this man is guilty of is bringing a couple of minutes of joy to the lives of poor, downtrodden Muscovites.

Mystery Link of the week. Click the picture for possible entertainment!